By Victor Antonio, BSEE, MBA

In selling, one of the biggest challenges we often face with a new client or prospect, is getting them to open up so that we understand their situation and then be able to provide an adequate solution.  Unfortunately clients and prospects today are somewhat jaded by the sales process and immediately throw up a mental defense perimeter when a salesperson walks into the room.

Think back to the last time you went to a car dealership.  Before you stepped one foot on the lot you were already preparing yourself for mental warfare.  In fact, by the time you got to the car dealership you felt this tense anxiety to turn back.   As you walked into the dealership you repeatedly warned yourself not to give out too much information because it might be used against you when it came down to negotiating a price.   Sound familiar?

Our client’s today are more reluctant than ever to give out information.  But without this free exchange of information and ideas, it’s hard to 1) build rapport and 2) offer the client our best product or service.  So the question is, ‘How do we get them to open up?’

One of the best ways of building rapport or getting someone to open up is to apply the rule of reciprocity.  In the field of influence and persuasion, most people are familiar with the rule of reciprocity which states that if we are ‘gifted’ something, we feel the social pull to reciprocate in kind.  Since no one likes to be in debt or indebted to someone else, we move swiftly to cancel the debt by repaying the favor in kind with something of equal or greater value.

When most salespeople go to see a prospect, after pleasantries have been exchanged, they dive right into asking questions, they’ll listen intently and then demonstrate understanding by asking another question.  As salespeople, we already know in advance what critical pieces of information we need to qualify and/or sell the prospect.  So we prepare a list of questions and then engage in the following sequence to gather the information:

Step 1: Ask a Question

Step 2: Listen Intently

Step 3: Demonstrate Understanding (Back to Step 1)

The danger with this question-listen sequence is that often times it comes across as an interview or worse, an interrogation.  A prospect who feels like their being interrogated will resist ‘giving’ you information because it will appear, by virtue of your countless questions, that you are there to ‘take’ his information.   In society, and as citizens in a society, we hate or resist takers in any form.  To illustrate my point, here’s an example of a salesperson’s first encounter with Bob the prospect who’s looking to buy a car.

Salesperson: Man, it really is hot out here!

 

Bob the Prospect: Yes it is.

 

Salesperson: Well Bob you seem like a man who means business so let’s get right to it.  Is it alright if I ask you a few questions?

 

Bob: Go ahead.

In the above example, no meaningful piece of information (i.e., a verbal gift) was offered upfront by the salesperson.   The salesperson does demonstrate that he respects the prospects time by wanting to get right to business, but unfortunately at the cost of not taking the time to establish an atmosphere of mutual exchange.  Instead, Bob the prospect is bracing himself for an interrogation by a ‘taker’.

To avoid this stigma or misunderstanding, it is critical that from the onset when visiting a prospect you aren’t seen as a ‘taker’, but rather a sharer of information.  The best way to do this is to insert a ‘gift’ at the beginning by volunteering a piece of information first in the questioning sequence. 

Step 1: Volunteer Information (The Gift)

Step 2: Ask a Question

Step 3: Listen Intently

Step 4: Demonstrate Understanding (Back to Step 1)

Begin a conversation by first presenting the prospect with a verbal gift that will cause him to want to reciprocate.  Let me define this verbal gift as some type of information about you or your company that has value and meaning to the prospect.  Let’s step back in time with Bob the prospect, except this time, let’s try using the verbal gift approach.

Salesperson: Bob, I remember buying my first car 20 years ago and it was a Cutlass Supreme.  Man I loved that car.  What was your first car?

 

Bob: My first car was my grandmother’s old beat-up, wood panel station wagon; a real chick magnet for an 18 year old. (sarcasm)

 

Salesperson:  So I take it a wood panel station wagon is not why you’re here today.

 

Bob: Nah, I’d like to look at some of your luxury sedans.

The salesperson, by volunteering a piece of personal information with meaning (i.e., we all remember our first car), presented Bob with a verbal gift which he then felt compelled to reciprocate by sharing his own personal experience about his first car.  This allowed the conversation to get started without the salesperson feeling as though he was forcing the other to participate and vice versa.  The prospect saw the conversation as an exchange of information, not a line of questioning.

The rule of the verbal gift is simple; share something of value and the other person will reciprocate.  The next time you meet someone for the first time, whether in a social or professional setting, try it out.  I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how often people will open up to you by simply offering a verbal gift.  Now is this rule 100% guaranteed?  No, but I’m willing to bet that your conversations with prospects will see a dramatic improvement by simply applying this rule.  Happy gifting!