By Victor Antonio, BSEE, MBA
Like many of you, once in a while I venture out into the world and attend networking functions. Let me state up front that I DO NOT like to go to these events for a good many reasons that I will outline a bit later.
While attending a recent event, I decided to take some mental notes on how people 'sell themselves' at these events. It was sort of a sociological experiment on the networking habits of the advanced Homo Sapiens we call Humans. If you go to Wikipedia and look up the term Humans, you'll find this definition:
Humans are bipedal primates belonging to the mammalian species Homo sapiens (Latin for "wise man" or "knowing man") under the family Hominidae (known as the great apes). Humans have a highly developed brain capable of abstract reasoning, language and introspection.
This type of information is invaluable to know before attending a networking function. I mean, it's good to know that humans have the aforementioned capabilities before interacting with them.
At this particular networking event I decided to observe the natural networking habits of humans. It seemed that everyone was really working very hard to impress each other. As I walked around and mingled, I caught bits and pieces of conversation and made some visual notes of what was going on around me. Here's what I gathered:
- Some tried to convey confidence
- Some dress sharply giving the illusion of success
- Some spoke smugly on a particular topic
- Some expounded their philosophy of life
- Some spoke on how much they loved their career
- Some told how they could help the other...for a price
- Some talked about setting up a time to talk (ironic isn't it)
I stepped to the side near one of the walls, leaned against it and closed my eyes. I no longer wanted to see what was happening, I wanted to hear the event. The sound was amazing; a cacophony of sound bites each battling to be heard, each wanting to make an impression on the other!
Call it a salesman's instinct, but as I listened in closely to neighboring conversations, I got the distinct feeling that people weren't being altogether truthful about themselves, their careers or their services. Some might call it bending the truth, I prefer to call by its real name, lying.
One of the reasons I dislike networking events is that in the past they've been rather disappointing. I discovered that people tend to exaggerate who they are or what they can do. Maybe it's me, but I got the feeling I'm not alone on this.
University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman did a study to test the concept of lying in a group setting. I define a group as a minimum of two people (if you're schizophrenic then all bets are off). In one experiment, Feldman put two strangers in a room together. They were videotaped while they conversed. Later, independently, each was asked to view the tape and identify anything they had said that was not entirely accurate.
The study, published in the Journal of Basic and Applied Psychology, found that 60 percent of people had lied at least once during the 10-minute conversation, saying an average of 2.92 inaccurate things.
"People almost lie reflexively," Feldman says. "They don't think about it as part of their normal social discourse. We're trying not so much to impress other people but to maintain a view of ourselves that is consistent with the way they would like us to be," Feldman said. "We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels."
Gender Note: Men and women lie equally but for different reasons. Men are more likely to lie to make themselves look better. Women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better.
So having a highly developed brain capable of abstract reasoning, language and introspection can come in handy at a networking event. Our ability to manipulate objects has now been extended to manipulate "perceptions' as well. Now, let me state for the record before I get any hate mail from 'Networkers":
- I'm not trying to dissuade people from going to networking events.
- I'm not trying to make a case that networking events don't have some redeemable value.
Feldman's study can also be applied to: company meetings, customer visits, dating, social gatherings and so on.
The next time you find yourself talking with someone for whatever reason, make sure you really listen-in to what people are saying or selling you on. Always be questioning and in the back your mind ask, "Can this be right? Can this really be true?". This is the best defense against deceitful social intercourse with fellow Homo Sapiens.
Here's a final thought; if people can lie 3 times (2.92 according to Feldman) in a 10-minute conversation, can you imagine how many "inaccuracies" you'll hear in 1-2 hours?! It's insane isn't it?
Victor Antonio
p.s., In sales, often times it's the customer who is not telling us what's really going on. Although their reasons may be justified for not being straight forward, our job as salespeople is to identify those little obscurities in order to get to the truth to better understand where we stand in the sales process.
Copyright © 2007 by Victor Antonio G. All rights reserved. This article MAY be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, as long as the author’s name, website and email address are included as part of the article’s body. All inquiries, including information on electronic licensing, should be directed to Victor Antonio G..
